(Original Blog was posted on Myspace about 2.5 years ago)
Got your attention, didn’t it? It certainly got mine at about 4 am this morning.
I know I have mentioned that route M400 is boring, and it is, but every once and a while something fantastic happens. And then, there are days like today. Why was this man standing in his open doorway in his underwear? Your guess is as good as mine. Why did he give ME a look of disgust and then slam the door as I walked up to his “porch” to deliver his paper? Your guess is as good as mine. Why did this man only have one leg? Don’t know. But probably the thing that irks me the most about this situation is that this main is a pain. He complains constantly about the delivery of his paper. If it’s a minute late, he calls the paper and complains. If the paper isn’t exactly right in front of his door, he calls the paper and tells them he didn’t get it. My question is, why can’t I call the paper and tell them I refuse to deliver to one legged men who stand naked in their open doorways at 4 in the morning? I leave you with that.
Post Script... The man only has one leg because he lost it due to diabetes, and he was a pain because he is lonely and has nothing better to do than wait for his paper. He and I worked out our issues. I did, on occasion, still have to catch a glimpse of him in his underwear but, after 3 years on the road delivering papers... there are worse things. Believe me.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Speak Now or Forever hold your pee!
(Original Blog was posted on Myspace 3 years ago)
Something that one might not think about when taking a job that happens in the "wee" hours of the morning is the availability of a toilet. Not a problem down south where things are open 24/7, but in the area where I deliver papers (ironically once the largest city in Alaska) there isn't anything open except a couple bars, but even then only until 3 on a Friday or Saturday. This does me no good.
On my route I have to run stairs, stairs and more stairs. I get out of the car, back in the car, do 50 three point turns (that are rarely only 3 points) in order to get out of narrows streets and parking lots, and I then run more stairs. How come in an apartment building of 20, I deliver only to 2 people and both of them would be on the top floor? Anyway, doing all this makes me hot… and thirsty. The problem with being thirsty is that I then want to drink water.
Often as I run the route I need to go to the bathroom. This isn’t too big a deal while I’m sitting in the van driving around, but it becomes a problem when I have to get out and run around, and it’s even worse when it’s raining and cold. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about finding a dark area to go pee. This is something that’s not a big deal to guys, but takes a bit more of an effort for women. To make matters even worse, on 2nd St. there was a random port-a-potty calling my name. Random I say? Well, to me a port-a-potty is random if it’s sitting at the end of someone’s driveway in a residential area. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to check that potty out but didn’t because I’m chicken. Something about that potty didn’t sit right with me, maybe because it seemed mostly to be there just to mock me in my pain.
One day in particular my urge to go was killing me more than usual and slowing me down. I remembered the baseball park over at Sandy Beach and drove down there to check out the public restrooms that are plentiful down by the fields. Of course they were locked – go figure. I then remembered my father in law telling me there was a port-a-potty down on the pier so I hopped back in my van and drove down to the dock. I grabbed the flash light and braved the dark green closet. I was grateful for the cold weather as I believe it helped with the smell, I did my business and went on my way. Thank you dear green giant, you are my friend.
Lately my husband has been helping me with the route because of snow, snow and more snow. He’s one of those people who needs caffeine, and also is one of those people with small bladders. When ever we get close to the road that leads to the pier I say “speak now or forever hold your pee!” The other day, he actually needed to go so we drove down there. He was a gentleman as usual and let me go first. Man, was the level getting high in there. I didn’t want to risk that kind of back splash so I passed on the potty and went back to the van to report the situation to Ken. He decided he’d pass on it too and we haven’t been back since.
Now instead of racing to the potty, Ken takes his “time” in certain areas and has threatened to write “Carrie was here” in the snow all along the route. Hey, I think it would be funny!
Something that one might not think about when taking a job that happens in the "wee" hours of the morning is the availability of a toilet. Not a problem down south where things are open 24/7, but in the area where I deliver papers (ironically once the largest city in Alaska) there isn't anything open except a couple bars, but even then only until 3 on a Friday or Saturday. This does me no good.
On my route I have to run stairs, stairs and more stairs. I get out of the car, back in the car, do 50 three point turns (that are rarely only 3 points) in order to get out of narrows streets and parking lots, and I then run more stairs. How come in an apartment building of 20, I deliver only to 2 people and both of them would be on the top floor? Anyway, doing all this makes me hot… and thirsty. The problem with being thirsty is that I then want to drink water.
Often as I run the route I need to go to the bathroom. This isn’t too big a deal while I’m sitting in the van driving around, but it becomes a problem when I have to get out and run around, and it’s even worse when it’s raining and cold. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about finding a dark area to go pee. This is something that’s not a big deal to guys, but takes a bit more of an effort for women. To make matters even worse, on 2nd St. there was a random port-a-potty calling my name. Random I say? Well, to me a port-a-potty is random if it’s sitting at the end of someone’s driveway in a residential area. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to check that potty out but didn’t because I’m chicken. Something about that potty didn’t sit right with me, maybe because it seemed mostly to be there just to mock me in my pain.
One day in particular my urge to go was killing me more than usual and slowing me down. I remembered the baseball park over at Sandy Beach and drove down there to check out the public restrooms that are plentiful down by the fields. Of course they were locked – go figure. I then remembered my father in law telling me there was a port-a-potty down on the pier so I hopped back in my van and drove down to the dock. I grabbed the flash light and braved the dark green closet. I was grateful for the cold weather as I believe it helped with the smell, I did my business and went on my way. Thank you dear green giant, you are my friend.
Lately my husband has been helping me with the route because of snow, snow and more snow. He’s one of those people who needs caffeine, and also is one of those people with small bladders. When ever we get close to the road that leads to the pier I say “speak now or forever hold your pee!” The other day, he actually needed to go so we drove down there. He was a gentleman as usual and let me go first. Man, was the level getting high in there. I didn’t want to risk that kind of back splash so I passed on the potty and went back to the van to report the situation to Ken. He decided he’d pass on it too and we haven’t been back since.
Now instead of racing to the potty, Ken takes his “time” in certain areas and has threatened to write “Carrie was here” in the snow all along the route. Hey, I think it would be funny!
“Praise Jah” and my biggest paper delivery fear…
(Original Blog was posted on Myspace 3 years ago)
Because of my determination to be able to stay home, when they offered me a paper route on Douglas I took it. For those who may not be familiar with the City and Borough of Juneau, for a person who lives in the Mendenhall Valley to take a paper route on Douglas Island is pretty ridiculous. My route is a good 20 minute drive away from where I live. No biggie except for the fact that we have only one car, I don’t have a cell phone, and Ken is one of the hardest people in the whole wide world to wake up.
When someone starts a paper route, they have an employee of the paper run the route with you for a couple days until they think you can handle it. So, by the time I was able to run the route 2 or 3 times by myself, I started regretting my decision. (Its funny how cruising around by yourself at 2 or 3 in the morning can get a person really thinking.) The area I deliver too is pretty dark and pretty spooky some mornings. I started thinking of worse case scenarios and then started figuring out how much more gas I was using… anything to try to convince the Juneau Empire that they needed to give me a route in the Valley. What it came down to is this: I have our only car, 20 minutes away from our home, if something happened i.e. Keys locked in car, car wreck, hit a deer, chased by a bear, you name it, I would be Sh** out of luck and have no cell phone to call for help.
The moral of this story is: Don’t dwell on the negative because it WILL happen.
The other day I was cruising along, delivering papers at record speed when I was coming up to what is about the halfway point of the route, the low income housing. I parked my van, left it running with the hazard lights on and the door partially open and ran up the stairs to deliver to the first two apartments. My van is brand new this year and has sensors so that if your keys are in the ignition, you can’t lock the doors unless you use the key fob while standing outside the van. This is how it’s supposed to work anyway…
I felt like I was in a horror flick watching the victim step into a trap….. As I pulled on the handle to open the door I watch as the lock simultaneously lowered into locked position and naturally a string of technically terms flowed from my lips. No, no, no, no, no! I ran from door to door then to the back hatch praying that one of the doors would be open – no such luck. I peered through the window at the glowing clock on the dash
4:00 am
I then slowly peered to my right and looked longingly at my sweatshirt and coat that lay on the seat as the wind picked up and it started to rain –no joke – this stuff only happens on TV, right? Stranger than fiction, the story of my life. Anyway…
I had no choice but to wander and look for lights on somewhere within the low income housing and pray the person whose door I knocked on wasn’t a crazed mad person.
As I wandered, I saw the light of a TV shining through the shaded windows. And little kids bikes, even better, and a sign written in what looked like children’s handwriting saying “praise Jah” Great, they’re religious too. I stepped into the dark doorway and knocked on the door. The door opened about two inches and I was hit with so much cigarette smoke I thought I’d die of second hand then and there. The man was short, and from what I could see, naked. I told him I was sorry for disturbing him and that I was delivering papers, my keys were locked in the car and I was wondering if I could use his phone. He shut the door and then moments later opened the door just wide enough to slip a cell phone through as he said “when you’re done, leave it just inside the door.”
I called the house knowing the chances of Ken picking up were slim… ringing… no answer. I tried again with no luck. I then called his “on call” work cell phone hoping the different ring tone would snap him awake so that he’d answer – ha! No such luck. I then called Ken’s parents, ringing and then the answering machine picked up. (This is where I really start to freak) I called Ken’s parents one more time and finally got an answer. I quickly relayed my story and Ken’s dad asked if Ken would shoot him if he went to wake him up. (This is a legitimate question as Ken used to sleep with a gun) I told him that I broke Ken of that habit so he should be okay. I explained where I was and hung up the phone. I slowly opened the door, slipped the cell phone through and placed it on the floor.
I walked back to the van (still running, hazards blinking, radio blaring, wipers swishing) and spread myself out over the front of it to keep warm. Two people drove past without even slowing down to see if I needed help. 45 minutes later, my in-laws pulled up and handed me Ken’s key. I said thank you-thank you, jumped into my van and rushed off to finish the last of my route since the papers need to be delivered by 6 am or else they charge me. Because every story needs irony, as I was delivering to the Douglas Library (with my hazards on due to multiple stops) and a cop slowed down to see if I was okay.
*sigh*
I now deliver papers with Ken’s key in my pocket at all times.
Because of my determination to be able to stay home, when they offered me a paper route on Douglas I took it. For those who may not be familiar with the City and Borough of Juneau, for a person who lives in the Mendenhall Valley to take a paper route on Douglas Island is pretty ridiculous. My route is a good 20 minute drive away from where I live. No biggie except for the fact that we have only one car, I don’t have a cell phone, and Ken is one of the hardest people in the whole wide world to wake up.
When someone starts a paper route, they have an employee of the paper run the route with you for a couple days until they think you can handle it. So, by the time I was able to run the route 2 or 3 times by myself, I started regretting my decision. (Its funny how cruising around by yourself at 2 or 3 in the morning can get a person really thinking.) The area I deliver too is pretty dark and pretty spooky some mornings. I started thinking of worse case scenarios and then started figuring out how much more gas I was using… anything to try to convince the Juneau Empire that they needed to give me a route in the Valley. What it came down to is this: I have our only car, 20 minutes away from our home, if something happened i.e. Keys locked in car, car wreck, hit a deer, chased by a bear, you name it, I would be Sh** out of luck and have no cell phone to call for help.
The moral of this story is: Don’t dwell on the negative because it WILL happen.
The other day I was cruising along, delivering papers at record speed when I was coming up to what is about the halfway point of the route, the low income housing. I parked my van, left it running with the hazard lights on and the door partially open and ran up the stairs to deliver to the first two apartments. My van is brand new this year and has sensors so that if your keys are in the ignition, you can’t lock the doors unless you use the key fob while standing outside the van. This is how it’s supposed to work anyway…
I felt like I was in a horror flick watching the victim step into a trap….. As I pulled on the handle to open the door I watch as the lock simultaneously lowered into locked position and naturally a string of technically terms flowed from my lips. No, no, no, no, no! I ran from door to door then to the back hatch praying that one of the doors would be open – no such luck. I peered through the window at the glowing clock on the dash
4:00 am
I then slowly peered to my right and looked longingly at my sweatshirt and coat that lay on the seat as the wind picked up and it started to rain –no joke – this stuff only happens on TV, right? Stranger than fiction, the story of my life. Anyway…
I had no choice but to wander and look for lights on somewhere within the low income housing and pray the person whose door I knocked on wasn’t a crazed mad person.
As I wandered, I saw the light of a TV shining through the shaded windows. And little kids bikes, even better, and a sign written in what looked like children’s handwriting saying “praise Jah” Great, they’re religious too. I stepped into the dark doorway and knocked on the door. The door opened about two inches and I was hit with so much cigarette smoke I thought I’d die of second hand then and there. The man was short, and from what I could see, naked. I told him I was sorry for disturbing him and that I was delivering papers, my keys were locked in the car and I was wondering if I could use his phone. He shut the door and then moments later opened the door just wide enough to slip a cell phone through as he said “when you’re done, leave it just inside the door.”
I called the house knowing the chances of Ken picking up were slim… ringing… no answer. I tried again with no luck. I then called his “on call” work cell phone hoping the different ring tone would snap him awake so that he’d answer – ha! No such luck. I then called Ken’s parents, ringing and then the answering machine picked up. (This is where I really start to freak) I called Ken’s parents one more time and finally got an answer. I quickly relayed my story and Ken’s dad asked if Ken would shoot him if he went to wake him up. (This is a legitimate question as Ken used to sleep with a gun) I told him that I broke Ken of that habit so he should be okay. I explained where I was and hung up the phone. I slowly opened the door, slipped the cell phone through and placed it on the floor.
I walked back to the van (still running, hazards blinking, radio blaring, wipers swishing) and spread myself out over the front of it to keep warm. Two people drove past without even slowing down to see if I needed help. 45 minutes later, my in-laws pulled up and handed me Ken’s key. I said thank you-thank you, jumped into my van and rushed off to finish the last of my route since the papers need to be delivered by 6 am or else they charge me. Because every story needs irony, as I was delivering to the Douglas Library (with my hazards on due to multiple stops) and a cop slowed down to see if I was okay.
*sigh*
I now deliver papers with Ken’s key in my pocket at all times.
Stick a Fork in me, I'm DONE!!!!
This morning was my final morning delivering newspapers. I'm feeling a tad nostalgic. 3 years is a very long time to do something like that. I can't believe there are a couple of newspaper carriers that have done it for 9 or even 12 years. I thought I was a masochist... I guess there are degree's of masochism and mine is on the low end.
I am so grateful to be able to get some sleep, and even more so that my kids sleep through the night. But, I will at times miss delivering papers. I like driving fast, on the wrong side of the road, with the windows down, blasting the radio, flinging projectiles at houses. I like the time alone to think, and to daydream. I like to see the wildlife- bears, rabbits (there is one that roams free between Gee St. and Long Run Dr.) dear, and, even porcupines, despite the apparent fact that they have it out for me. I like to watch the sunrise and see the phases of the moon. There are many times the moon is blood red, and it's really creepy, but really cool too. I like the fact that despite the many Jerks that don't have anything better to do with their lives than to pick on their poor newspaper carriers, there are nice people who left me money and sincere thank you cards in their tubes today. Farewell nice people... and so long you BIG JERKS!!! I am going to be leaving flaming bags of pooh for you at a later date when you will have long forgotten me, but I wont have forgotten you!! K....
So, this morning was kinda strange. Have you ever had a day or a morning or even a moment when you've stopped and thought that a particular event is something you've seen in a movie? I guess a strange form of Deja Vu? I've always said my life is stranger than fiction and on days like these that feeling is reinforced. If I ever listen to that handful of friends of mine that tell me I need to write a book, this is one instance will have to be included. I don't even know if I can describe it in a way that would make people understand how strange. SO, I'm not. If you want to know, I'll tell you in person. But, I'm still kinda shaking my head. It made me think of other times that I have shook my head at strange things, and so, I'm re - posting some old blogs from my long deleted myspace account. Newspaper Delivery Adventures from the past. If you've read them before, you don't need to read them again. If you haven't - ENJOY!
I am so grateful to be able to get some sleep, and even more so that my kids sleep through the night. But, I will at times miss delivering papers. I like driving fast, on the wrong side of the road, with the windows down, blasting the radio, flinging projectiles at houses. I like the time alone to think, and to daydream. I like to see the wildlife- bears, rabbits (there is one that roams free between Gee St. and Long Run Dr.) dear, and, even porcupines, despite the apparent fact that they have it out for me. I like to watch the sunrise and see the phases of the moon. There are many times the moon is blood red, and it's really creepy, but really cool too. I like the fact that despite the many Jerks that don't have anything better to do with their lives than to pick on their poor newspaper carriers, there are nice people who left me money and sincere thank you cards in their tubes today. Farewell nice people... and so long you BIG JERKS!!! I am going to be leaving flaming bags of pooh for you at a later date when you will have long forgotten me, but I wont have forgotten you!! K....
So, this morning was kinda strange. Have you ever had a day or a morning or even a moment when you've stopped and thought that a particular event is something you've seen in a movie? I guess a strange form of Deja Vu? I've always said my life is stranger than fiction and on days like these that feeling is reinforced. If I ever listen to that handful of friends of mine that tell me I need to write a book, this is one instance will have to be included. I don't even know if I can describe it in a way that would make people understand how strange. SO, I'm not. If you want to know, I'll tell you in person. But, I'm still kinda shaking my head. It made me think of other times that I have shook my head at strange things, and so, I'm re - posting some old blogs from my long deleted myspace account. Newspaper Delivery Adventures from the past. If you've read them before, you don't need to read them again. If you haven't - ENJOY!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)