Speak Now or Forever hold your pee!

(Original Blog was posted on Myspace 3 years ago)

Something that one might not think about when taking a job that happens in the "wee" hours of the morning is the availability of a toilet. Not a problem down south where things are open 24/7, but in the area where I deliver papers (ironically once the largest city in Alaska) there isn't anything open except a couple bars, but even then only until 3 on a Friday or Saturday. This does me no good.

On my route I have to run stairs, stairs and more stairs. I get out of the car, back in the car, do 50 three point turns (that are rarely only 3 points) in order to get out of narrows streets and parking lots, and I then run more stairs. How come in an apartment building of 20, I deliver only to 2 people and both of them would be on the top floor? Anyway, doing all this makes me hot… and thirsty. The problem with being thirsty is that I then want to drink water.

Often as I run the route I need to go to the bathroom. This isn’t too big a deal while I’m sitting in the van driving around, but it becomes a problem when I have to get out and run around, and it’s even worse when it’s raining and cold. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about finding a dark area to go pee. This is something that’s not a big deal to guys, but takes a bit more of an effort for women. To make matters even worse, on 2nd St. there was a random port-a-potty calling my name. Random I say? Well, to me a port-a-potty is random if it’s sitting at the end of someone’s driveway in a residential area. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to check that potty out but didn’t because I’m chicken. Something about that potty didn’t sit right with me, maybe because it seemed mostly to be there just to mock me in my pain.

One day in particular my urge to go was killing me more than usual and slowing me down. I remembered the baseball park over at Sandy Beach and drove down there to check out the public restrooms that are plentiful down by the fields. Of course they were locked – go figure. I then remembered my father in law telling me there was a port-a-potty down on the pier so I hopped back in my van and drove down to the dock. I grabbed the flash light and braved the dark green closet. I was grateful for the cold weather as I believe it helped with the smell, I did my business and went on my way. Thank you dear green giant, you are my friend.

Lately my husband has been helping me with the route because of snow, snow and more snow. He’s one of those people who needs caffeine, and also is one of those people with small bladders. When ever we get close to the road that leads to the pier I say “speak now or forever hold your pee!” The other day, he actually needed to go so we drove down there. He was a gentleman as usual and let me go first. Man, was the level getting high in there. I didn’t want to risk that kind of back splash so I passed on the potty and went back to the van to report the situation to Ken. He decided he’d pass on it too and we haven’t been back since.

Now instead of racing to the potty, Ken takes his “time” in certain areas and has threatened to write “Carrie was here” in the snow all along the route. Hey, I think it would be funny!